[Editor’s note: Last week’s “interview” with Emily Myers was less interview, more me making up an interview based on recent events in her life she shared with me in confidence as well as my general knowledge and understanding of her tone and sense of humor. No animals were harmed in the faking of said interview.

Given the circumstances, I decided it was only fair (read: Emily forced me) to let her respond. Below are her unedited comments as submitted. -Mason]

Hi everyone,
I know I don’t know most of you (because I have no idea who Mason sends this blog out to, or who actually reads it….) but I felt that since I was the interviewee last week, I should reach out and clear a few things up because that interview wasn’t completely accurate.

For those who don’t know me, briefly.. Hi! I’m Emily, Mason’s absolute best friend in Washington DC, from the Midwest originally, which is probably why we get along so well. I did in fact drag him along with me on a couple of kickball teams, but moreso because at the time he was tall, vanilla and lanky, but look at the man he has become since then! We had a lot of good times in kickball… Many went like this…

A few items of clarification:
1) My apartment did catch on fire… I finally moved everything out on Friday and forcibly moved myself in with my boyfriend… let’s see how this turns out!
2) I did not break my leg in Afghanistan… I fell through a storm drain and severely cut my my leg.        

2 A) Also, AFG, wonderful place to visit, I’m serious. Beautiful countryside,          food, and people. 
In other news, I did not make cookies this week (I know Mason keeps everyone updated on his baking), but I did make this wonderful Lemony Lentil Soup last night. Highly recommend.
P.S. This content has probably been edited without my consent by MEH.
Thanks!

As the first entry in my interview series, I jumped on the phone with my second favorite kickball captain and favorite Type A friend, the one who welcomed me onto one kickball team, then dragged me to another. This is our conversation! Transcribed as faithfully as I can recall.

Mason Emily, hi! How are you?

Emily Mason. Hi. Why are you making me do this?

Mason You volunteered. Have you changed your mind? We can cut this short if you want.

Emily No no no it’s fine. Please proceed.

Mason That’s more like it. Anyway, how are you? How are things in the District?

Emily They’re good! Work is good, love is good, apartment is on fire.

Mason I’m sorry what?

Emily Oh my apartment caught fire. A laptop exploded and our apartment caught fire.

Mason Really?

Emily Yes. We had to take tons of pictures for insurance. And we can’t go back for like a week. Not ideal.

Mason Not ideal indeed. I’m sorry to hear it! You didn’t lose the elephant souvenirs I got you over the years did you?

Emily Oh no, of course not, those were some of the few treasured items I had stored in my fireproof safe.

Mason Oh thank God. They’re irreplaceable. In that I forget exactly what they are or where I got them from, so they are literally unable to be replaced.

Emily …

Mason Let’s move on. How is work?

Emily Oh it’s fine but dull. Let me tell you about Afghanistan though, I was on a trip there a few months back and broke my leg falling through a manhole cover, and–

Mason Woah woah woah, enough about manholes, this is a family blog. Let’s focus on your treasured memories of me. What would you say is your favorite time I fake-strangled you for a photo?

Emily Oh definitely at Nat’s Night Out in 2017.

Mason Agreed. Favorite color?

Emily Bright Pink.

Mason Favorite State?

Emily Indiana.

Mason Favorite ice cream?

Emily I like my ice cream like I like my men, tall, vanilla, and lanky.

Mason Terrific. Well that’s all the time we have, thanks for agreeing to be my guinea pig on this segment of the newsletter! Tell the Mounties hi.

Emily The who?

Mason Our kickball team.

Emily What’s kickball?

Mason You know, that kid sport that adults play?

Emily Never heard of it.

Mason Me either. I think it’s like football.

Emily What’s football?

Mason Thanks for your time!

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